


I Don't Want to remember, I don't Even Wanna Think

by Human_141213



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Confused Lena Luthor, Drinking, Drunk Kara Danvers, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Idiots in Love, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:20:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26735773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Human_141213/pseuds/Human_141213
Summary: “ Lena” croaked Kara with so much reverence and so much fear at the same time.hearing Kara’s voice was enough to break her daze and her body moved on its own. She opened the door a bit more and signaled to the drunk woman to walk inside, and so she did.---------The one where Kara is drunk and goes talk to Lena.ATTENTION: heavy angst, please be careful.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 18
Kudos: 419





	1. If I'm underneath the table, then pour me another drink

**Author's Note:**

> No beta :)
> 
> I don't own the characters, don't sue me. 
> 
> So, I'm posting this one while I'm doing my multi-chapter fic, hope you enjoy. 
> 
> oh, and please tell me if you want a second chapter, I 'm thinking about putting some smut in it. 
> 
> \-----------  
> OBS :  
> I changed some small things on the 2 chapter that were bothering me, such as some dialogues and some thoughts that I thought I left a bit unsaid. So, if you wish to read it again, the changes are when they start to talk. And if not, that's okay too, no huge changes were made . :)
> 
> and that is it, enjoy :))

Kara was tired, so, so fucking tired. The memories of her former best friend screaming at her in the fortress keep replaying in the mind; an incessant loop that would never end. That gentle pale face and that sweet, sweet eyes turned into something else. The girl, the woman and the soul within Lena would always smile when the young reporter was around, but now, oh Rao, now displayed in that beautiful green eyes there is just anger, despair and betrayal. So, So much betrayal that Kara cannot bear to look directly at them. Because it hurts, it hurts so damn much, like her heart will get off her chest, as if it just wants to run away from all this madness that has become Kara’s life.

She waved her hand to the bartender telling him to pour her another drink. She saw in his chocolate hazel eyes that he was adamant to do so, but ,oh, it does not matter. If he refuses she can simply go to another bar. Surely she would not have the same privacy as this one nor the Alien alcohol that she is drinking now. But would they even realize if she hid one of those on her jacket? she wondered.

She gave him a pointed glare and he didn’t waste time. She saw the blue liquid being poured onto her glass, she didn’t know in which one she was: fifth, seventh, twelfth?

No idea.

And fairly? she did not want to know.

She just wanted to drink till oblivion, till all of those memories, all of this pain starts to subside. It is not enough to see her planet being destroyed, to see its flames in the distance as everything came to ashes.

No it was not enough.

She had to see her sister kill her aunt,

She had to send Mon-el to space,

She had seen her new home, earth,

being destroyed in front of her eyes during crises.

She had been a prisoner of the time once again, in that place that resembles hell itself; where no time passed, where she was once again powerless.

And now, after she got it all again, she had to lose Lena.

Sweet and gentle Lena, who always believed in her.

Lena, who she swore to protect from the evil in the world.

A bitter laugh escaped her lips and raised her glass to her mouth, tasting the flavor before sending it all in one go down her throat.

So much for being a hero, So much for being her hero.

In the end, she was the one that hurt Lena the most.

She was the one that lived a double life, The one that didn’t trust her enough, the one that was too afraid. So much for being the paragon of hope when she was no more than a coward.

She couldn’t tell one of the most important people in her life her secret; the woman that makes her heart beat a bit faster, a bit stronger.

To be fair, she did not blame Lena. No, she would never. Because she was right. Kara Zor-El was nothing more than a coward and a liar.

Even if they were true, these words still hurt like hell.

She waved again at the bartender, raising 3 fingers; the number of shots she wanted. She drank them consecutively, the bitter taste is the only thing left to feel.

She keeps wondering how Lena is doing, if she is better off without her. Flashes of the night that she went to the past with myx to try and fix it all comes to her mind. That night, she let her anger take control of her, her anger for herself, for Lena that abandoned her to work with Lex. She remembers as if it was minutes ago that called the raven haired woman a villain. It was as if the clouds that were hanging up onto the sky had finally gathered force enough to become a huge storm.

She just wanted her friend back, but her stupidity granted her something akin to an enemy. She regretted it, Rao, how she regretted it.

She just wanted to see her smile again, to see those wide grins that reached her eyes. As her heart clenched she rose a rand to meet her chest.

‘Rao, why is it so painful? ‘

Oh, the reason why she knows quite well, but why entertain these thoughts when such a thing would never be possible?

Eyes closed, heavy breaths, her heart seems like it will never give her a rest and with a thought that she knew would go anywhere, she sighed. Defeated, she felt hopeless; watching her fingers run the edge of her glass, she wondered how much she hated her.

How much Lena despised her right now?

Any answer would hurt, would be like a bullet of kryptonite inside her chest.

And suddenly such a thought became quite tempting. After all, it does not seem fair that everyone she once knew had to die while she is here-alive. She feels like she is a black hole, destroying everything she touches.

first her family,

her planet, then kenny,

jeremiah,

almost Alex, uncountable times.

Her aunt, her uncle, and now Lena.

Sweet and gentle Lena.

who just wanted to do good in this world of madness.

Perhaps Kara deserved to die, because after everyone she hurt she is no better than the villains she once swore to defeat.

Pain, indeed , is a terrible thing, it twists your thoughts and takes control of your body. Driven by that, Kara waved to the bartender once again but this time was for the check. She had a destination to go and a fate to accept.

As she walked past the metal door, drops of water touched her long red cheeks till all the surface of her body was completely soaked. She could hear the noises of the city; people chatting, the engines of cars roaning and the rain wrapping everything under its spell. Everything was so livid and she felt hollow.

She walked and walked, her own footsteps too loud for her to bear. her vision was a bit blurred, but she didn’t mind, she just kept walking till her destination was reached. Knowing that they would not let her inside the building, she did something that she shouldn’t.

But again, she was doing a lot of it tonight.

In a close alley she took flight; up, up and away.

She landed on a balcony that for long she had not set foot in. Still in her normal clothes and intoxicated to the bone, she knocked on the door. Rushed footsteps came closer and closer, suddenly the door opened and a sight that she yearned was right in front of her. Lena, sweet and gentle Lena with her dark hair cascading on her frame, a dark purple sweater, jeans and a frown on her face.

From all the people that she would expect to see on her balcony late at night, from all the versions of Supergirl, Lena never thought she would see this one: a undoubtedly intoxicated and soaked Kara Danvers in her civilian clothes, looking desolated.

The woman in front of her was falling apart, and Lena, well, Lena did not know what to do. She was ready to lash at her again, to tell her to go away. But this, she never expected this. Kara’s tears and the rain were becoming one, tears that fell in the moment that Lena looked into her blue eyes.

“ Lena” croaked Kara with so much reverence and so much fear at the same time. hearing Kara’s voice was enough to break her daze and her body moved on its own. She opened the door a bit more and signaled to the drunk woman to walk inside, and so she did.

“ what do you want? “ Was the only thing that came out of her mouth as she regarded the sight of Kara dripping drops of water on her floor.

Kara stared at Lena's green eyes and what she said was with so much conviction that it almost dropped her off balance. “I want you to kill me.”

Lena blinked once, twice and tried to make sense of the sentence that she just heard.

“ W- what? “ Her voice cracked.

“ I want you to kill me.”

“ wh- what? Why??” Lena was not understanding any of it.

Why would Kara ever ask her that? She may be mad, but she would never wish any harm to the blonde that she for so long held dear to her heart.

“ what do you me- mean why? “ her drunkenness made her stumble over her words, with an almost pleading look.

” you hate me, so you are able to kill me, right?” The certainty in her voice made Lena’s heartache and tears gathered in her eyes. Kara thought she hated her.

Thinking about it, she never said otherwise.

She is an idiot, she let the woman that holds her heart think that she hated her.

She can’t deny that she wanted to, she wanted so badly, but she couldn’t. To hate the only one that believed in her, that protected her, that held her close even when all odds were against her, that would be nearly impossible.

“ I don’t want to kill you.” She said, trying to not crack her voice and yet failing.

This got Kara’s attention, she stepped forward but tripped on her own foot. She landed with a heavy thump on the floor and her glasses went flying to the ground. Before Lena could try to help, Kara was already trying to get up.

“ What do you mean you don’t want to kill me? Hell Lena, I wanna fucking kill myself.” the swearing coming out of Kara’s mouth felt so wrong in Lena’s ear. Furthermore, that took her attention, what did she mean by saying that she wanted to die? As she tried to straighten herself, she almost fell again but this time Lena got her arms and steadied her.

“ Why? Why do you want to die Kara? “ She desperately asked.

“ What do you mean why? I-I deserve to.” Kara's blue ocean eyes were glassy, she was already too intoxicated and Lena, Lena felt her inside clench and a single tear slid down her cheeks. “ Everything I touch turns into ashes,everything… My planet, the Danvers…” a sob croak through her throat .” I lose everything, everyone I love goes away, and now… now I lost you…”

“ Kara…” Lena’s face now was wet with her own tears. She thought she meant nothing to Kara, that she was just someone to be watched; however, with this, this image in front of her of a falling hero, she doesn’t know anything anymore.

“ I feel so empty Lena, so... so empty” the dark haired woman tugged Kara close and wrapped her arms around her. Smelling the alcohol and a perfume that was so undoubtedly Kara. God, she missed it, she missed this woman in her arms, this bubbly reporter that became this drunk mess.

At that moment, there were no secrets, no hate nor betrayal that dimmed Lena’s judgment, she just wanted to help Kara.

“ Please, please, please, help me.” the woman sobbed.

“ sihhhh, everything is gonna be okay.” She said, as she gripped onto kara a bit more stronger.

“ promise?” It came out as a quiet whisper, so defeated.

“I promise.”

After cleaning Kara up and giving her some clothes, the blonde almost passed out at least two times. So when she reached the bed, she was already gone. For ease she decided to sleep on the couch, since if something happens to Kara in the night she will be able to go quickly there.

She tugged neatly the sheets around the blonde woman and as she was leaving her to sleep, a hand grabbed her wrists and a sleepy kara pleaded: “ stay… stay with me.”

She pushed the CEO slightly and the result was she falling onto the bed next to Kara, who quickly passed her hand around Lena's waist and interned their fingers and then, as if nothing had happened, she dozed off again. Inwardly, Lena was almost having a panic attack but she tried to quiet herself down by listening to the blonde’s deep breaths.

Kara woke up when the sun was yet hidden and the moon was still up onto the dark sky. With her head aching, she growled and felt her hands tighten on something close to her and that something was strangely emanating heat. Meanwhile Kara, adamant to open her eyes, tried to remember the night before.

She drank, she drank so much booze that she is actually wondering how she is still alive and not in the afterlife due to alcohol poisoning. She remembers rain, and flying...and Lena… Shit. She talked to Lena, but what did she say?

‘ think your stupid brain.’ she chastised herself.

She remembers crying and the pain that she felt still residing into her chest.

She remembers… She says something and Lena cries too.

The ‘something’ that she was hugging moves a bit and she noticed that it's a body

Wait,

oh shit.

Lena!

She quickly withdraws herself, startling the woman next to her. Both women stare at each other with wide eyes and Kara's rambling tendency takes over.

“ Oh my god, I’m sorry, Lena, I’m sorry for bothering you, Rao, I must’ve ruined you night, coming here drunk, and I don’t even remember what -”

“Kara” The dark-haired woman tries to interrupt, but with no avail.

“- I said, sorry, you must hate me even more now, I’m gonna go and a promise you’ll never have to see me again. I’m a horrible person for doing this to you, and I’m sorry, you can scream at me all you want I deserve it and after I’m gonna go and be out of you life like you wanted I swear I-”

“ Kara!” She yelled and that gathered the blonde’s attention. “ Sorry!” She whimpered. And that set Lena over the edge. “ Stop fucking apologizing!!!” She yelled again and Kara retreated herself.

This movement calmed Lena down, It reminded her of just hours ago where the woman in front of her was begging, begging to die. Lena’s heart clenched and she understood that she wasn’t helping by acting like that. So, She sighed and Scrolled down her walls so Kara would see that she meant no harm.

“ Hey, hey, it’s okay.” She says so softly that it even surprises herself and gives Kara a wary look.

“ It’s okay? “ Kara raises an eyebrow.”but you-”

“ Kara, you really think that if I hated you, I would let you sleep on my bed?” She asked skeptically.

Kara opened her mouth and closed a couple of times, as if to say something but giving up. She took notice of her surroundings and ‘ I really am in her bedroom’ she thought stunningly. ‘I’ve never been in her bedroom before.’

“Kara.” the blonde’s head snapped to look into forest green eyes that seemed to hide worry, pain and something akin to regret. “ We need to talk.”

“ Yeah.” She exhaled.”I kinda crashed your penthouse in the middle of the night drunk.” 

“ That is not really the problem.” 

“ it is not? “ She gave a confused look to the brunette. Lena ran a hand through her dark locks and sighed, almost defeated. 

“ what I’m worried is about what you said earlier, when you were… when, drunk. “

“ What did I say to you? “ 'Is she worried about me? ' she wondered why, after all, they were at really, really strong odds.

“ You don’t remember? “

“No, Not really, It’s all a bit fuzzy.” she says shaking her head.

“ Oh, “ Lena averts her eyes and the blonde picked on that.

“ What did I say Lena? “ She tried to search green eyes to no avail. “ Did I offend you? “

“ You..” Lena gulped, not really wanting to tell Kara about it all but finding necessary. Growing nervous, she pressed further.

” What did I say? “

“ Oh God, I can’t--” Just the thought of saying those words made Lena want to throw up, memories of the previous night kept circling in her mind and without realizing, tears were dripping off her eyes and onto her cheeks. A strong sob broke through her lungs and throat, she raised a hand to her mouth trying to stop it, but it was already too late.

And Kara, Kara did not know what to do, for so long they barely touched each other, and now she found herself on Lena’s bed, with the woman breaking down. So she let instinct take over and reached out to the raven haired woman, wrapping her arms around her in a hug. Lena instinctively buried her head closer, what made the blond tighten her grip.

“ It’s okay, It’s gonna be okay.” She whispered, massaging Lena’s scalp in an attempt to calm her down. “whatever it is you can tell me, Lena.”

“No, you--” She sobbed again and shoved the blonde’s shoulder. “It’s not-- fucking okay, You-- you asked me-- to kill you Kara!! Goddamned!!”

Shit.

She remembered now, that outburst being all that she needed to unlock the memories.

Tears gathered in her eyes, pulling away and raising a hand to her mouth, she thought:

' shit, how could I do that to her? I fucked up again.'

'' Shit.'' She looked to the woman, who was now with a frown on her face, wet cheeks and puffy eyes. She felt a tear slide.” Sorry Lena, I can’t believe I did that to you, sorry. I'm so, so sorry.”

“ I just don’t understand kara, why would you ask me that? “

“I--”

“ Why would you want to die? Why would you do that to me? “ More tears came and Kara can say that she had never seen Lena in that state before. Her green, green, green eyes, shined with pain, guilt and so, so much love. Kara’s heart clenched inside her chest and she raised a hand to meet it, trying to control it and hold it. Because what she wants would never happen. “ How could you ever think that I truly hate you? “

“ Lena I--”

“ Goddamned Kara! “ a pillow suddenly came crashing onto Kara’s face.” How could you be so fucking idiot? “ Her eyes full of affection betrayed her action as she hit again the pillow that she was holding, but this time, Kara raises an arm to block it. “ How could you fucking think about dying? How could I fucking live in a world where you are dead?!” With the last statement she dropped the fluffy weapon and stared into ocean glassy blue eyes. “ How could the woman I love ask me to kill her? “

Kara was awestruck by that display of words and to Lena’s confusion, a smile tugged on her lips.

“ Why are you fucking smiling? I’m being serious!”

Kara’s smile grew wider and wider and wider, her eyes showed something Lena couldn’t understand.

“ you love me.” the blonde whispered.

‘ shit’ Lena thought, comprehending just now what she had said.

“Kara I--” Before she could explain herself, she was enveloped in a hug and both bodies were now lying horizontally on the bed. Kara nuzzled her nose closer to Lena’s neck, sending a shiver down the brunette spine.

” kara, what… What are you doing? “

“ I’m hugging you”

“ but why? “ Kara pulled a bit back and gazed into green, green, so green and loving eyes, raising a hand to caress slightly Lena’s cheek. That was the happiest Lena had ever seen her and oh, god, her heart was beating so fast, faster at every second. Kara lowered herself a bit, breathing closer to Lena's lips.

“ Because the woman I love, Loves me back.” With that, a small happy tear slid her cheeks, falling on Lena’s.


	2. I won't give up on you, So please: Don't give up on me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they talk, without anyone drunk this time.
> 
> \---------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it, thanks for reading and I hope you liked it. :)
> 
> Comments are appreciated and so is a nice feedback.
> 
> oh, and the first chapter was inspired on the music prisoner, by james arthur.

“ Love? “Her breathing caught in her throat and stunned, Lena asked. 

  
  


Kara’s eyes flicked, scared that she might have misunderstood the words once spoken. What kind of love Lena had talked about? Had she just opened her heart to be ripped apart so quickly? The words slipped her so fast, due to a rush of happiness. 

She was such an idiot.

  
  


She stepped back, allowing the other woman to stand in a sitting position, as she thought : ‘Of course she wouldn’t love you in that way, Kara.’

Swallowing a lump on her throat, Kara averted Lena’s gaze, making her mission to look at everything except the dark haired woman’s eyes.

Those green,

green,

and beautiful eyes that Kara loved so, so much that almost hurt.

  
  


She couldn’t take on herself to look at it.

What will happen now? 

  
  


What was Lena thinking that she hadn’t spoken a word yet? Rao, she could feel herself start spiralling again. Yesterday was a mistake, she shouldn’t have drank so much, she shouldn’t have come to see Lena, she shouldn’t have stayed the night, she shouldn’t have opened her damn mouth. 

Why does she keep messing things up? 

She felt herself growing anxious, already ready to run up to the balcony and take off onto the sky.

Yeah, she should go home, 

she would feel safer,

perhaps her heart would ache a little less under the softness of her sheets…

“ Kara? “ A voice came to interrupt her thoughts.

Kara seemed so lost and the blonde’s sudden panic after such a declaration made her heart feel as if someone was squeezing it so, so, so hard that she felt unwanted tears gathering on the corner of her eyes. She swallowed hard, ‘ what if she regrets her words? what if it was all just a rush of the moment ? 

Lena thought about brushing it off, though knew such a feat would be impossible. Regardless of all the bad and unwelcoming thoughts that were now wandering her mind, as she looked at the blonde in front of her, she knew that she needed to be strong and keep the conversation flowing. 

So any misunderstanding can be cleaned.

Yes, could do it; she could talk about her feelings.

Now, could she, really? 

Despite her inward thoughts, she noticed that Kara was having an even bigger inner turmoil. Her eyes were incessantly flicking and her breath was becoming shallow and without thinking too much, Lena took the blonde’s hand and said: 

“ Kara.”

With no avail.

Panic, or something akin to it was what she was feeling. She saw herself dwell on her own thoughts and insecurities without being able to get out. Every doubt, every self-loathing thought made themselves know, regardless of Kara's will. So much for being a hero, so much for being strong when she could not even win against her own head. She was going father, father away, but then, the noises that came from the streets were starting to become too much. her overwhelming senses were beyond her capabilities to deal right now. She could hear everything, even this late at night there were so much going on that was hard to believe, she was almost reaching her hands on her ears to try to block the noise when...

“ Kara, look at me.” She downcast her eyes, though wanting to gaze directly at Lena but unable to. “ Kara, darling, can you take deep breaths with me? Can you do this for me? “

When she heard her.

Soft,

So , So, 

So soft

was Lena’s voice echoing in her ear, absurdly opposed to all the noise that came from the city below them.

How could Kara not listen to her? 

“ Close your eyes for me darling.” Lena said, stroking circles on the hero’s hand, attempting to calm her down. “ Close your eyes and take deep breaths with me Kara.”

She rose one of Kara’s hands to her chest, pressing it just enough to gather the woman’s attention. “ Breath with my heart Kara, at every thump I want you to take a deep, deep breath.”

Kara could do nothing but listen. 

Listen to Lena and her smooth voice, to her heart that was beating stronger every passing second. 

thump,

thump,

thump,thump

Strong and not so steady.

At each breath Kara took, she relaxed, she felt a bit lighter.

And it did not take much time for her to notice that Lena was nervous and anxious as well, with all that had happened between then- with all that is happening now.

How does she know it?

By her sounds, by her body language. Even though she had not opened her eyes yet, she could feel it, sense it. 

She needed to be brave too,

Not just for Lena, but for herself.

So she let her eyelashes open and the sight in front of her took her breath away.

Green eyes stared back at her with so much love and affection that Kara found it difficult to start her doubting thoughts again.

Her skin was pale as always and her hair was a mess,  but n o matter how disheveled she was, 

no matter the red and watering eyes that she had now, 

Lena was definitely the most beautiful sight that she had ever seen in her life.

As the brunette noticed the hero’s breath become even, she wrapped her arms around her, hugging her close to her chest.

Kara felt the weight of the world leaving her shoulders.

Massaging her scalp while playing with the baby baby blond hair, she whispered.” Come on darling, we should rest a bit. tomorrow morning we can finish this talk, what do you think?”

“ Yeah.” Croaked Kara, tightening her grip and feeling the scent of the other woman enfold her. She couldn't really think, she was so tired. the remaining sensation of the alcohol still on her system did no good to her.

Slowly, Lena changed their position so they would be laying on bed. Tugging the blonde to her chest and soothing calming words, they fell asleep and despite all the tears and heartfelt moments, Lena knew that this warm feeling that was spreading in her heart was nothing more than pure happiness and delight. They needed to talk, she knew it, but for now she just wanted to sleep with this wonderful woman on her arms. Sleep and perhaps dream, dream while the sound of the just started rain echoes in her room; lulling her to sleep and whispering good night. 

  
  


Coffee, pancakes, wet grass and sunlight- those were the smells that woke up Kara in the early morning. The comfort of the sheets, the cold small breeze that came out of the window altogether with the rays of sunlight that sweetly touched her skin, made her feel lighter. A soft breath was released as her eyes were opening. 

She was alone in bed, but the sounds that came from the kitchen told her that yesterday was not really a dream.

It meant that Lena was there,

Sweet and gentle Lena.

A warm feeling crept into her chest, but it wasn't aching. No, it was cozy.

It felt good. 

Time to face reality, she thought as she left the bed behind and marched to find the kitchen.

The walls of Lena’s home were more cozy than she imagined; a soft tone of beige and nice modern touches. 

It screamed Lena.

And Kara loved it. 

Reaching her destination, the image before her eyes was breathtaking. 

Lena, with her hair in a bun, frying some pancakes and humming some song that she never heard before.

If she wasn’t in love with her until then, Rao, now she was whipped. 

Her presence was noticed in seconds and the smile that was directed to her made a small blush appear on her cheeks. 

“ morning.” The dark haired woman said.” I did some breakfast, I know you eat a lot, so I’ve done more pancakes than I have ever done in my entire life.” 

Kara chuckled and sat closer to the counter. She eyed the food and wondered how could this woman be this good? She literally came to Lena’s house and said horrible things, cried and did Rao knows what more. And in return, She received breakfast, a really good looking one. She didn't deserved that, she didn't deserved Lena.

She shook her head, not believing. 

“ Lena, Why?” Her eyes met green ones that displayed so much emotion that Kara almost could not bear.

Lena saw Kara’s eyes water and wondered if she had done something wrong.” What do you mean? “

“Rao, Lena, I barged your house yesterday, messed up your night and you made me breakfast?” 

Lena turned the oven off and went around the counter, facing kara. She stepped forward, until her legs were in the middle of both of Kara’s thighs. She raised her hand right when a solemn tear had escaped the blonde’s blue ocean eyes and caressed her cheeks with her thumb. A soft breath left her lips and her gaze fixed on Kara’s.

“Kara, you didn’t barged, I let you in-”

“but-” Lena put a finger on kara's lips to prevent her from interrupting. 

“shhhhi, My turn to talk darling.” The endearing name made blood crept in Kara’s cheeks, leaving her even redder than before. “ You came in and you were drunk, you said things that hurt me.” Images of Kara begging to be killed made her voice crack.”But- I know I’ve hurt you too. I’ve been betrayed too many times and you- you’ve lost so much. We both messed up, we both hurt each other uncountable times, but, but I think That we can pass this. I think we have to, because Kara, I’ve been miserable since we fought. And- and if yesterday told me something, is that you were too.” 

Now it was Kara’s turn to wipe the brunettes’s tears, Lena felt Kara's soft hands on her cheeks and she smiled at the sensation. “ I know we have many things to work through, but Kara, I miss you so damn much.”

“ I miss you too.” Kara said, caressing Lena’s cheeks.” Sorry for yesterday, sorry for asking you to kill me.” She averted her eyes down in shame. How could she do that to Lena? She kept asking herself.” I-I was drunk but this does not condone my behavior. I was desperate, and I know I need to work through this but yesterday I exploded, I couldn't take it anymore. I’m sorry that I came to you with that.”

Lena would not have none of it, not really. Just thinking that perhaps things could have ended so much worse, that perhaps Kara would tried to have the matter on her own hands made Lena shudder. So she was relieved that she came here, instead of hurting herself. Raising the blonde’s chin, she glared at her eyes.

“Listen to me, stop apologizing for your feelings. Yes, you need to talk to someone about all of it, because it is dangerous for yourself Kara. And I’m glad you came to me and I realized that I made a huge mistake by letting you think that I’ve ever hated you. Because I didn’t. I could never Hate you Kara.”

“ Why? “ It was such an earnest question and Lena thought that this was the time, if she was rejected it would not matter, because Kara would know how she felt.

No more lies.

“ You, Kara Danvers, will always be my hero.”

Kara could see that such a statement was true, but she had done so much damage to their friendship that she couldn’t believe it. Why would Lena not hate her, because she felt like the scum of earth every single time time she was reminded of that.

She raised from her chair and faced Lena with furrowed eyebrows.

“ But Why Lena? I betrayed you, I lied to you, I called you a villain, how can you not hate me right now ? “

“ Because I’m in love with you, I always have. “She earnestly said, with fierce eyes and a honest voice.

She was not expecting that, not really. For the woman that she loved the most, to love her back, she never thought such a thing would be possible. But she saw the fierce strength and utterly care that those eyes had hide for so long, longer than it should. So, she wasn't reaaly expecting it. 

As it seems, neither did her heart, because it was beating so, so , so damn fast.

Lena,

sweet 

and

gentle

Lena,

Loved her;

was in love with her. 

Rao, she felt like her chest you jump off her chest. However, could she give Lena what she deserved? After every single mistake she made, could she make her happy? Bring her the love and hope that she undoubtedly deserved? The future was unbeknown to her, but she was so tired. Tired of pretending this raging fire within her heart was not, tired of feeling like she wasn't enough, like she was not worth it. She was tired, and she wanted Lena. They fought, they hurt each other, but still, they cared and this utter care that they shared ran deeper than they expected, it came as sudden as it was slowly built. Regardless of all the things that they need to talk, Kara is sure of one solemn thing: she wants Lena Luthor by her side, despite the odds. 

but Lena’s expression told her that she did not notice how the blonde truly felt. And when the sweet smile on her face disappeared. Kara had stopped breathing and Lena thought that she said the wrong thing, and Kara knew what she had to do to cease her doubts. Even knowing that Lena deserved better, she didn't care. because if Lena had choose her, them nothing else mattered, them she would do her best to be able to give everything to Lena. Everything she deserved.

She took a step forward, one, two, three times. Until they were impossibly close and took Lena’s hand. Raising it to her chest, Lena felt:

Thump, Thump, Thump.

Thump, thump, thump, 

thump, Thump ,thump,

So strong and uncontrollably fast. 

Lena knew that hers was, indeed, probably just like that. They held each others gaze, each one seeing so much guarded emotion within the other.

Kara’s mouth was close to her ear, so close that both of them were feeling a fire crept their veins, thus she whispered not wanting to break the spell. A sudden confidence taking her over, a confidence for having her love reciprocated. A confidence for wanting Lena, for wanting to love her, to hug her, to kiss her, to touch her. They had a lot to talk, but for now, she would let her body take control- even if just of a little while.

“ Can you feel it? Its beat? It’s all for you.”

Goosebumps started to raise on Lena’s whole body and oh god, as she aroused. Kara’s breath so close to her ear, so close to her neck. One wrong move and she might combust. 

Kara’s lips touched her ear and Lena's eyes closed.

“ Because Lena, my love for you is beyond the stars.” There was no teasing on her voice, it was so earnestly honest that Lena's heart melted on the spot.

And she couldn’t take it anymore. 

Kara loved her, and she loved Kara. 

So when Kara lifted her head slightly to look into her eyes, she saw blue orbits full of love, desire and lust.

Oh, 

The air was heavy and Lena could not take it anymore, because Kara was in front of her.

Sweet and beautiful Kara, 

that brought the sun back to her life.

So, yeah, Lena could not take it anymore and crashed their lips together. Perhaps crashed is a harsh word, what she really did was flick her eyes to Kara’s lips- those pink and desirable lips- just in time that the blonde ran her tongue on them. She caressed her cheeks and ran her thumb right above the lower lip and she felt Kara tongue once again, though this time was just the tip softly touching her and sending shivers to her whole body.

She felt weak, 

Undoubtedly and utterly weak,

But oh God, How she craved it for the first time.

She felt her head stop functioning the moment their lips touched. She never thought it was possible for someone to feel like that just by kissing another person, but looks like she was very much wrong.Kara’s hand met her waist and suddenly they were pressed together so, so tightly that both bodies felt as if they were set on flames. 

They craved this for so long. 

All the interviews, lunch dates, all the fights, all the lies and betrayal- all of it- led them to this. 

Lena’s lips were soft. Softer than Kara thought it was.

Really, she was stunned, because : How can someone kiss this well??

She couldn't contain herself, She pushed Lena till she was pressed against the counter. Her thigh found its place between Lena’s legs and a moan came out of her mouth. 

“ Shit.” She rolled her eyes as Kara started kissing her neck. First she licked her ear, playing with her piercing, and then, it was the freckle . That damn freckle that she wanted to run her tongue for so long.

“ Is it Okay? “ Kara whispered, not stopping her ministrations.

“ yes.” Lena whimpered.” Don’t stop.” Lena knew they should talk more, but four fucking years of sexual tension was quite much crashing into them on this instant and there was nothing that she could do about it. Nothing that she wanted to do about it. 

“ Good, because…” she licked a trail down Lena’s neck producing another moan from the brunette’s mouth. “ I wanted you for so long, that I don’t think I could stop now.”

She stopped for a second to gaze into almost black eyes full of desire. She took Lena’s hand, giving it a kiss, feeling the woman before her shudder. Positioning her hand above her left breast, where her heart is beating stronger at each beat. Lena softly squeezed her breast, were her hand was place, right after a moan was released, she said, gasping:

“ Do you know how strongly you make me feel? “ She trailed her hand down, down, passing by the muscles of her stomach, letting Lena feel the definition of her abs hidden behind her blouse.

Down, 

Down, 

Down, until it reached her the waistband of her slacks.

Lena’s breath caught in her throat.

Down, 

Down,

Down, until she felt wetness slip in her fingers and heard the blonde whisper with a husky voice:

“ Do you know how wet you make me feel? “

Oh, Shit.

Lena was in heaven. She felt her eyes rolling up to her head as she gasped.

She felt like she could die right on the spot, because, god. 

A moan escaped her and this seemed to make Kara even wetter than before.

She ran her fingers carefully through Kara's folds and took her hand out of the blonde’s pants.

She saw Kara following her every move. 

So she slowly. So, so slowly carry her slick fingers to her mouth.

up, 

up, 

up, until it reached her already parted lips.

Delicately she sucked them all, one by one, without breaking eye contact with the hero. Moaning at each taste.

As she ended, she approached Kara’s ear and spoke in a lower voice than she expected.

“ Oh, Don't think that you are the only one that have game, Supergirl.”

Shit,

Kara was going to explode. This is it, this is the way that she would die. 

She crashed their lips together again and tapped gently on Lena’s leg so she could jump and wrap her legs around Kara. 

Kara carried Lena till they reached Lena's bedroom and affectionately placed her on her bed. The image of Lena, with her messy hair and swollen kissed lips was something to be worshiped.

Humans kept saying that she was a god among them.

But, oh, they said that because they never saw Lena like this.

Sweet and gentle Lena; the woman that stole her heart between coffee dates and laughs. 

The woman that just wanted to do good in this wicked world. 

The woman that she loved, 

the woman that loved her.

She would worship her like she deserved,

because this woman, this woman was the goddess among humans.

And Kara, well, Kara was her believer; Since the beginning of times.

“ Why are you staring.” the woman asked, with a smile playing on her lips. 

“ Because…”Kara lowered herself, noses touching, she caressed her gently.” I’m in love with you, and you, Lena Luthor, is the most beautiful being I’ve ever seem .”

At this, Lena blushed hard.” Have you ever seen yourself? “

“ Charmer.” Kara chuckled and kissed her again, sucking at her tongue and hearing a squirming and panting Lena below her.

They passed through so much pain and they still had a long way to go, but it was okay. Because they would do it together.

  
  
  
So, when she slowly reached for Lena's shirt and took it off, when she peppered her neck with kisses until love marks could be seem, when she gasped by just seeing Lena's breasts for the first time, it was all out of Love. Sure she desired it like crazy, but mostly it was surely out of love. 

She flicked her eyes to Lena, seeking any sign of excitation. If Lena wanted her to stop, she would. but when she looked, her eyes were filled with thrill and arousal. As she lipped right below her breasts, seeing the woman gasp and waiting, waiting until...

" Kar- Kara, please." her name was like a plea on the brunette lips, and Kara wanted to hear it again. 

" please what? " She purred as she held both of Lena's arms above the brunettes head. 

" Stop teasing me-" she squirmed and gasped as the tip of Kara's tongue made contact with her right breast. She licked again, and again, and finally sucked it earning a very loud and pleasant moan. 

She gave the same attention to the other one and continued to kiss and lick all the soft skin of Lena, but not attending to the most wanted part, not yet. She finally had Lena, and she would enjoy every part of it. 

But Lena's patience was quite short. " Kara...please..." And that voice made things to Kara.

She kissed her stomach and ran her tongue till it reached the brunette's breasts." What do you want ,Love? Tell me."

Kara was going too slow and it was driving her crazy, she tried to free her arms to take matters on her own hands but knew it would never happen." I swear to god Kara, if you don't-" When suddenly a hand came to slid inside her sweatpants and reached her slick folds, her line of thought was cut and she yelped. 

Green eyes met blue. Kara gazed so firmly into her eyes that she noticed the traces of heterochromia on her eyes. They looked like the ocean, reflecting Lena's emotions like the sky reflected its colors on the sea. 

"If I don't what? " She quirked her eyebrow. 

Kara took her hand out and Lena growled. " No.."

A mischievous smile appeared on Kara's face.

" why Lena? you tasted me, so now is my turn." As she said that, she put her two fingers ,which once were inside her love, in her mouth. Never breaking eye contact and pornographic moaning at its taste,she watched Lena's reaction. 

Lowering her hand, she reached for Lena's sweatpants and slowly removed it. leaving a stunned Lena just in her underwear, which was utterly ruined due to the wetness that spread along it. Kara felt her arousal grew stronger at each second, and she couldn't contain herself; She spread Lena's Legs and gave a solid lick right above her underwear, making Lena gasp.

" Rao, Lena... you taste so good. You are so wet for me."

"Shit, Kara." She gasped once again. The feeling of Kara in her was so overwhelmingly good that she couldn't describe it. She never thought that her Kara, her sweet and bubbly Kara could take control like this in the bedroom. This, This definitely was a bonus. One that she was never going to complain. But, oh, was she killing her for this slow pace. 

"would you let me taste you, Lena? "The brunette's eyes widened at the question." Would you let me worship you like you deserve it? "

All Lena could say was gasp a 'yes' and Kara almost ripped her underwear for how fast she took it out. And she taste her, she tasted her all day, until their bodies were too sore to keep up.

And as they fell asleep, with Lena in Kara's arms, they knew that everything would be okay.


End file.
